Weekly Round-Up

Corgan Announces Plans to Finish Teagarden

Today Billy Corgan announced that his recent announcement about the forthcoming Smashing Pumpkin (version 4) albums will put the Teagarden era out of its misery.   Corgan explains that  “The whole concept of Teargarden seemed like a good idea at the time but when I didn’t get a rapturous response to what I even stated were, C-Pile (at best) songs - I realised this was the fault of the fans who were living in the pass. So, I’m going to wrap-up the era with the absolute opposite of the original conceit (releasing 1 song every 2-3 weeks to stand on their own merit) by producing two more “traditional (in the absolutely ground-breaking sense obviously) self-contained albums”. He went on to explain that the recent rumours that he had fired Mike Byrne were, in fact, true;   “[I] made the same misjudgement as I did with Matt Walker, I tried to make Byrne play like Jimmy Chamberlin. Well, turns out he can. Just not very well. But let me be clear here - It’s not that I was wrong about how good he was, it’s just my shaman told me to do it.” Byrne has been replaced by original Smashing Pumpkins drummer, Yamaha RY30.

Update: “Teargarden:  The Tears Burnz” will be delayed until 2017.



Byrne Announces New Musical Venture

Following his recent spilt from Smashing Pumpkins, Mike Byrne has announce a series of musical concerts based on a critically lauded animated series of films by acclaimed director Kirk De Micco. Following Art tea-House (re: art-school-student-esque) performances of Siddhartha by Billy Krogan and an upcoming live musical performance of the Battleship Potemkin by Jimmy Chamberlain, Burn stated in an interview that “yeah, man, although like I’ve been in Pumpkins and stuff like that, I’m not really that content with only having copied the drum style of Chamberlin.  What I’m really keen on doing is reproducing his and Billy’s other artistic ideas also; to that end I’ve designed a series of 7 concert suites around what I think is widely considered as one of the greatest animated films of all time, Space Chimps 2”

We were told by Byrne’s publicist that he was unable to commend on the spilt from Smashing Pumpkins due to “contractual obligations” but sources close to Mikey reportid that when the subject is broached “he just goes into a bit of a daze, repeating the phrase ‘empty party afternoons’ over and over”.

Jimmy Chamberlin Re-Joins Smashing Pumpkins

(Again, Again, Again)

Just got word that Jimmy Chamberlin has re-joined Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins.  Sources close to the band report that following a serendipitous invite to the true-fan only ‘Amazon Listening Party’ for the Smashing Pumpkin’s forthcoming album,  Oceania, Chamberlin was so awestruck by the quality of the recording that he reached out to former bandmaster Corgan and tabled a deal to re-join the outfit.   

Sources reveal that Chamberlin privately cited many reasons for his return to fold; “it’s been too long… it’s totally driven by a desire to not sound anything like ‘classic pumpkins’ and to explore totally new ground… It’s all about the cash… I just love wrestling and tea and so does Billy…my shaman told me to do it… Teargarden has been an unmitigated success so far – it's the best release method ever”.

However, the official announcement, announced over at Smashing Pumpkins.com states Chamberlin’s true motivation:

"I want Corgan’s dreams, his songs and his band back together..."   

"...I have waved any creative input and final say on everything, it will be, and rightly so, all Billy's. This is a make or break year for the band and only securing the best marketing deal will ensure the bands future, not the music.”

When asked by the "gatekeepers" of Smashing Pumpkins fandom, oddly comment disabled site Crestfallen.com, about the specific moment he realised he wished to reconcile his musical ideology with Billy’s own, Chamberlin explains;

“It was about 7 or 8 tracks into the new record. In each track I heard the drums doing things I have done in other songs or pretty much would do - given the chance.  I kept thinking, this in an odd bastardisation of my originality as an Artist and if Billy wanted to just get someone in to play like me, why not pick, say Matt Walker.  He actually did it OK”.  He continues “I figured that; if they’ve got a new guy in and he’s just going to approximate what I’d do, but so incredibly poorly I can’t really comprehend it, I should probably just do it myself”.  

Chamberlin continues, “I was quietly optimistic that Billy would move forward in new musical directions, as he always used to try and one of the reasons I used to love the band, but now my priorities have changed & it’s why I’m back in; I am all about living in the past now. I am the difference, I am the 97%.  I realised that touring on ‘Rat in a Cage’ into my 60’s, is my real dream future”, gushes Chamberlin.

Talking about the future, for the handful of you out there wondering about the prospects of drumming tyke Mike Bryne, unfortunately the one and only music pundit who was in the slightest bit bothered by his dismissal, didn't have much hope;

“Even if my life depended on it, and I had Bonham, Moon and Rich as my phone-a-friends, I couldn’t pick this guys style out of a line-up of 5 ‘mathrock’ drummers."

Bryne, tweeted his disappointment at his inevitable dismissal; “shit. I dun goofed #imitationnotnecessarilythesincerestformofflattery”.