Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Weekly Round-Up

Corgan Announces Plans to Finish Teagarden

Today Billy Corgan announced that his recent announcement about the forthcoming Smashing Pumpkin (version 4) albums will put the Teagarden era out of its misery.   Corgan explains that  “The whole concept of Teargarden seemed like a good idea at the time but when I didn’t get a rapturous response to what I even stated were, C-Pile (at best) songs - I realised this was the fault of the fans who were living in the pass. So, I’m going to wrap-up the era with the absolute opposite of the original conceit (releasing 1 song every 2-3 weeks to stand on their own merit) by producing two more “traditional (in the absolutely ground-breaking sense obviously) self-contained albums”. He went on to explain that the recent rumours that he had fired Mike Byrne were, in fact, true;   “[I] made the same misjudgement as I did with Matt Walker, I tried to make Byrne play like Jimmy Chamberlin. Well, turns out he can. Just not very well. But let me be clear here - It’s not that I was wrong about how good he was, it’s just my shaman told me to do it.” Byrne has been replaced by original Smashing Pumpkins drummer, Yamaha RY30.

Update: “Teargarden:  The Tears Burnz” will be delayed until 2017.

Byrne Announces New Musical Venture

Following his recent spilt from Smashing Pumpkins, Mike Byrne has announce a series of musical concerts based on a critically lauded animated series of films by acclaimed director Kirk De Micco. Following Art tea-House (re: art-school-student-esque) performances of Siddhartha by Billy Krogan and an upcoming live musical performance of the Battleship Potemkin by Jimmy Chamberlain, Burn stated in an interview that “yeah, man, although like I’ve been in Pumpkins and stuff like that, I’m not really that content with only having copied the drum style of Chamberlin.  What I’m really keen on doing is reproducing his and Billy’s other artistic ideas also; to that end I’ve designed a series of 7 concert suites around what I think is widely considered as one of the greatest animated films of all time, Space Chimps 2”

We were told by Byrne’s publicist that he was unable to commend on the spilt from Smashing Pumpkins due to “contractual obligations” but sources close to Mikey reportid that when the subject is broached “he just goes into a bit of a daze, repeating the phrase ‘empty party afternoons’ over and over”.


  1. Hahaha :)) Drev, you rock!

  2. hahaha i love it. love love love. hahahahah. git outta here byrne

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